Correspondence (more)

Email: Gilbert,  It is interesting that you say most seekers don’t really want to find out that they don’t exist.  I think you’re right, they’re seeking to make their experience of life better through making themselves better.  I don’t believe that is what this is all about.  I seem possessed sometimes by an innate drive to find the truth.  I feel it overtakes my drive to do anything else, like trying to achieve goals in life, to do all the things I used to want to do or have been told I should do, to make more money or have nicer things.  I’ve done okay in life by society’s standards – I’ve got a very nice family, a nice job, things are good from that perspective.  I’m not searching or seeking out of a deep sense of suffering.  I’m seeking truth because I can’t look at the world with the same eyes I had before.  I can’t see the world as a separate, alien world.  I can’t see myself as I used to.  But somehow I can’t see what the pointers are pointing to either.  The more I look/read/evaluate/question, the more questions I seem to have.

Key pointers that have changed my perspective have been: -The manifest world is made of emptiness – the sensory organs organize it so you see it in a certain way, however it’s not what it appears. -The present moment/now is all there is, there is no past or future – the contents of this moment change which, to our perspective, seems to change the moment.  But it’s always the same moment. -The mind and sense of I is created by the brain, which is part of the body.  The body is an object in awareness, therefore the mind and thoughts and ideas and all are objects. -I am not the human.

I read some of Douglas Harding’s writings, about having no head, and although that seemed funny at first, it was oddly familiar, with a vague sense of truthfulness to it.  For the first time, I got the feeling that what I was seeing through was awareness, that the world of objects was moving but not the awareness that I was in and looking through.

I’ve tried looking for boundaries as you suggested but haven’t really found any – I thought to look deeper but I don’t know what direction I’m supposed to be looking.

I find myself slowly losing attachment to the world – maybe this is a sign of progress.  I somehow know that the world is in me but I don’t know why I feel that way.  I get that all is happening on this background of awareness but I don’t know how that changes anything.  Of course it does – it always has.  Even though we don’t usually notice it, if you stop for just a second and listen/look, you notice that the things just appear and disappear.  Sounds, sights…  I just don’t get that they are somehow not separate.

I did watch the short video clips of Sailor Bob on his website and found this older guy (Bob) talking about these things I’ve studied all my life with a confidence that surprised me.  Most older people, well most people in general, would say this is all nonsense.  But here’s this guy just so sure of it, really sure of it.

I’ve read so many books – I’ve continually read Nisargadatta while also reading many others, including John Wheeler, Alan Watts, some Buddhist stuff, a little Ramana Maharshi.  I feel that it’s the same thing over and over, but then I also seemingly get an insight and then go back and reread a lot of the same things over and get even more that I somehow missed the first time. – R

Reply: You are existence itself.  ‘You’ as a believed in entity does not exist.  It would be madness to suggest that you don’t exist.  What would be being addressed?  How would the suggestion register if you did not exist?  As for ‘depth’, all ideas of depth are conceptual.  Where would you measure any depth from?  What would be the first data point?  Would it be the me?  It is just an idea.  What specific local point does any idea actually have?

Everything appears in the seeing.  So the seen is an appearance in the seeing.  The see-er is an appearance in the seeing.  You cannot have ‘the seen’ without seeing.  You cannot have a ‘see-er’ without the seeing.  The seeing is ‘containing’ the see-er and the seen.  The seen cannot be separate from the seeing.  The see-er cannot be separate from the seeing.  They cannot exist without the seeing.  Investigate where the seeing is ‘happening’ and recognize it is not anything that belongs to some ‘person’.  In the moment of waking in the morning the seeing is there.

Everything appears instantly.  You may not remember who you are or where you are.  It may take a short while before the mind can recall the ‘story of me’ etc.   This proves that the seeing is happening ‘before’ the mind translations.  If you have ever had a pre-op injection you will have experienced the bliss of no psychological burden.

Having the burden of being identified with me lifted away is one of the features of addiction to substance abuse.  People want to escape from who they think they are.  I am not advocating drug use.  It is just an example of the functioning carries on without the burden of me.  Discovering this naturally is a beautiful experience and carries no addiction to substances.

Some have a spiritual experience and then become addicted to trying to recapture it.  Decades go by and disappointment turns to depression or something else, like pretending to be enlightened.

It is excellent that you are investigating, asking questions and wanting to dismiss your doubts.  Too many are afraid to put their ‘reputation’ on the line.